Traumatized
by Rayne Hudson
Summary: When Jack and Milton have the same dream. That the dojo explodes.Then it does killing, Kim, Jerry and Eddie. How will they react knowing they could of said something to them maybe stopping them from going in the dojo? Jacks P.O.V. I don't own anything but the story line. Hope you enjoy xxx
1. The explosion

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I wake up at my normal time, with a different feeling. I had a weird dream last night. The dojo exploded. its strange. The only time I have nightmares is when there 'gonna come true, but I don't think much of this one, cause its nearly impossible. So I get up, get dressed, look at myself in the mirror and say, "Jack, you look.. GOOD." I cant help but laugh at myself.  
as I walk downstairs, and eat my breakfast my mom asks me to be careful like always. And I roll my eyes, like always. I shove the whole piece of toast in my mouth as I walk out the door, to catch the bus. I love the walk to the bus stop, its the only 'Jack Time' I ever get, even if it only lasts for about three minutes.  
When I get to my stop, I see Milton standing alone, as usual. So I go stand next to him. Like always. We just small talk 'till the bus gets here, then we sit together, as he tells me "I had the weirdest dream last night."  
"Oh? Me too, what was yours?" I ask  
"The dojo exploded." He says, thinking as little of it as I did. "What was your dream?"  
"Never mind. It's not important." I say with a weird look on my face.  
"No, tell me." He demands.  
"It was the same dream you had."  
"That's strange." He says then drops it.  
I'd be lying if I told you I still didn't think much of it. It's all I could think of all day. It was really bothering me. I mean its just a dream. Given. But I was truly bothered by it. Everyone could tell something as up with me. But nobody asked. Milton wasn't himself either today but everyone just figured its cause he got an A- instead of an A or an A+.  
I felt weird after school on our way to the dojo. I was having a major anxiety attack, and I didn't know what to make of it. So I didn't make anything of it. Cause I'm never bothered about something stupid like dreams. So I knew I was overreacting at this mere coincidence.  
When we get to the dojo, I feel like I'm 'gonna be sick. So I run to the bathroom. And power puke. I figured that was just lunch coming back up. When I walk out Kim asks me, "Jack, are you okay? Your not yourself today."  
"I didn't sleep well last night." I lie.  
"Well, maybe you should call your mom and have her pick you up, If your not feeling well."  
"Yeah. I suppose." I say then walk out  
When I get to the parking lought I feel sick again. So I run to the nearest garbage can. I could hear Milton behind me. Just as I puke again, I hear a bang so loud, it almost makes me fall. I knew at that point. But I wipe my mouth and run to the dojo as fast as I can, Milton follows.  
When we get to the dojo, It was burst into blames. It had clearly blown up.  
Milton just ran away. I didn't though. I needed to know. I went up to the nearest cop and asked what happened. He said. "Not sure, kid. The place just exploded, like something you'd see in a movie."  
"What about, Kim Jerry and Eddie?" I ask trembling.  
"I'm not sure. I don't know if there was anybody inside."  
I just sit and wait until the fires gone. That's when the cops went in and searched the place for bodies. I barely hear them, but I do, and what I herd was. Three, ages 13-15 one girl and two boys. Burnt beyond recognition. I run in, it smells terrible in here. They question me, to see if I could tell if they were Kim, Jerry and Eddie. I ask to see the bodies, and they bring me to them. I saw what I knew was Kim. I only know because her mettle bracelets "That's Kim." I say pointing to her. I walk over to the next one. It was Jerry, I knew it because he was wearing a hat that day and a part of it was still on his head. "That's Jerry." I say pointing to him. And the last one was obviously Eddie. So I say, "That's Eddie." Then walk out.  
I wasn't crying at that point, I was still in shock. When I see my mom come I think to myself "Oh shit." I wasn't in the mood to watch my mom cry. But I just stand there as she runs out of the car and wraps her arms around me. "Oh, Jack, I was so worried." She said. "Lets get you home."  
When we get to my house, I just walk upstairs to my room. Then I run down to the bathroom, and puke. Again.


	2. Emotion Blocked

I didn't sleep at all last night. Every time I go to close my eyes I just see the dead bodies. My mom doesn't want me to go to school. My dad couldn't care less. But, I feel like I need to go today. So despite everything my mom says I'm on my way to school. With my three minute "Jack Time." I'm surprised to see Milton at the bus stop. I thought for sure we wouldn't be here today. I stood next to him, like always.

When he saw me, he greeted me with an awkward smile. I didn't reply. We just waited for the bus in silence.

When the bus finally got here, Milton and I didn't sit next to each other. I sat down first. Then he sat behind me. I turned away and asked "Are you okay man?"

"Fine." He says with a wet mop expression.

"Alright. Well, want to stay at my house tonight? Nothing really will happen but, there will be food." I say with the fakest smile I ever used.

"What the hell. Sure." He says with an equally fake smile.

"Sweet." I say.

Truth be told, Eddie was supposed to stay over tonight. But my mom made me invite Milton. Don't get me wrong. Milton is one of my best friends, but he don't seem like an all nighter kind of guy.

I tried to cry last night. But I couldn't. I know it sounds weird 'tried to cry'. But, I felt this overwhelming sadness last night, so I tried my hardest to cry. That's what I always do, when I'm sad, I shed a tear or two, and then I'm over it. But not last night. Last night was different.

When we got to school, everyone was looking at me with sympathy. I hate sympathy. If I wanted people to feel bad for me, I would ask them to. Normally I would say something, but I don't have the courage to today.

School is lonely without Kim, Eddie and Jerry. And when they announced the deaths on the intercom, everybody cried over one person or another. Except me. I still can't cry, in fact, I felt very awkward being surrounded by people sobbing and crying. It made me so mad, I wanted to just run out and slam the door behind. Why am I so mad?

After school was the best part of my day. When I met Milton on the bus, we went straight to my house. I said he could borrow my clothes. The bus ride was awkward and silent. I wanted to ask Milton if he cried yet, but I don't quite know how to ask that. I mean I can't just come out and say 'Hey man, did you cry yet?' that would be weird.

When Milton and I get to my house, We sit on the couch and talk about school and movies, but none of us bring up the dojo, even though it was clearly on both our minds. Later we decide to rent 'The Karate Kid' It was a good movie, but it bothered me. When Milton falls asleep by 11:00, I decide to take a shower. I feel a emptiness that can't even be nearly begin to be explained, I thought to myself 'Jack, this is it, your going to cry this time.' But nothing. Not one tear could I shed. When I get dressed into my pjs. I walk up to my room to hear Milton talking in his sleep. "It's all my fault, I could of stopped it. Kim, Jerry, Eddie. NO" He yells then wakes up, he looks over but I quickly pretend that I'm asleep. He buys it then goes back to bed. He didn't talk anymore, but man did he snore.

By the time I fell asleep was 5:30 am then to be woken up at 6:00 am by Milton singing. I didn't say anything about it. We just walked downstairs to eat breakfast. I was too lazy to make something so cereal it was. By 9:00 Milton went home and I went back to bed. I woke up with an ear damming scream. I dreamed that I was inside the dojo when it blew up. Then I walk downstairs, to find a note on the table.

Jack

I went grocery shopping. Be home soon,

Mom.

Thank god that she didn't hear me scream. She doesn't need to know that the explosion messed me up more than it did. She also doesn't need to know that I can't cry. I look at the clock and it says 4:32. The time the dojo exploded. How the heck did I possibly sleep that long? And why the hell didn't my mom wake me up? I need more help then I'm willing to admit.

Xxxxxxx

What do you think so far? Why is Jack emotion blocked? Will he be able to cry? Or is he too proud?


	3. Fighting

My mom wants me to go to therapy; I think that's the dumbest idea ever. She thinks I have something called "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". Until a week ago, I didn't even know that existed. I still can't sleep well, that much I did tell my mom, that's when she diagnosed me.

But the weirdest part is; it seems like I forgot how to cry. I even tried watching old movies. Like that one Kim showed me called "My Girl" When I watched that with Kim, I ran to the bathroom in tears. And she laughed harder then she cried. That was about two weeks ago. That was the last time I cried.

On the plus side, Milton is fine with everything. Everybody is back to normal. Except for me. Everybody just looks at it as yesterday's news since Freddie Corbin's hamster died. One thing I did notice about Milton is that he's trying to be all badass. It's kind of funny actcualy. Instead of telling the teachers to go to hell, He told one to go eat a toaster strudel.

I haven't seen Ruty since the funerals. He broke down then left town. The police think a gas leak caused the explosion.

I look at my clock, its 6:00 I decide to go down stairs to see what moms cooking. I walk down to what looks and smells like slop. She drops everything when she sees me. Then takes me to the living room with the "We need to talk" card. She starts with "Look, Hun. I know you hate the idea, but I called the therapist and got you an appointment for the 25th. I talked to your dad about it and we both-"I cut her off.

"Oh come on. Let's be honest with each other, dad cont care about me!"

"Jack, that's not true! Your dad loves you very much! He just doesn't know how to show it."

"That's bull! You know how he feels about me. He doesn't give two shits about me!" I say as I heal my heartbeat increase.

"Jack, you watch your mouth."

"My mouth tells the truth!" I snap.

"Calm down Jack, its no-"

"What, Is it no big deal? I asked you not to call the therapist, and you went behind my back and called anyways? How is that no big deal?" I yell.

"Jack, I think that explosion messed you up, more then you're willing to admit."

"Why mom, Cause that's what Google told you? Or was it Yahoo this time?"

"It was Bing." She says with a smirk.

"Your not getting my point, mom. You never listen to me. It's always what you want, not me. And that's really unfair." I say then run up to my room. I've never talked to my mom like that before. But it's something that I should of said a long time ago. Yet, I wish I didn't.

I just lay on my bed with that same numb expression, and wait for my mom to come up. Within five minutes she's up here. "Jackson, look, I wouldn't go behind your back, If I didn't think you needed help." She says.

"My name is Jack. And yes you would, mom, you've been doing it all my life. Your, so.. So.. So.. Selfish. You do what's best for you and not for anyone else."

"Is that what you really think of me?"

"Most days, yeah" I say, you could hear the regret in my voice.

I see a single tear run down my mom's cheek. As she walks out throwing all the bracelets that Kim made me. That made me jump. I yelled "You call yourself a freaking mother?! I'm pretty sure that my guinea pig could raise me better!" I stand up, about to clean the bracelets off the floor. And my mom walks in and smacks me so hard that I fall to the floor with the bracelets. "Get out of my fucking room. Now!" I yell. I'm almost surprised, I usually swear, but never that word.

She walks out and slams the door. And, I clean the bracelets, pack them along with most of my clothes.. I'm not staying here in this bullshit. When I'm done packing, I pick up my guinea pigs cage and walk down stairs. My mom is probably crying to her pillow. So I leave a note in the fridge,

Mom.

I'm done with your abuse, I'm running away. So dint try to find me. You messed up too many times. So goodbye.

Jack.

I walk to the park. In this situation, I would usually call Jerry, but I can't no more. So I call my dad, whom divorced my mom last month. "Hello?" He answers.

"Hi dad, It's me, Jack."

"Hi son. What do you need?"

"Mom hit me again. And I'm not putting up with it; you say no, I'll just call a friend. But, I need a place to stay, and I stay with you?"

"Jack, your mom and I had an agreement. I leave and pay child support, and she gets full custody of you. Every ones happy."

"Except me." I say with a soft voice.

"Son, It would cause a big fight, and it's just not worth it to me. Sorry."

"Dad, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it Jack?"

"Go fuck yourself." I say then hang up.

Great, just great. Now who do I call, the only other person is… Milton. I guess it's worth a try. I call him. "Greetings." He answers.

"Hey, It's Jack."

"Hi, Jack, are you okay? You sound down."

"No, I'm not actually, My mom hit me, and my dad says the fight of me living with him is not worth it."

"Do you need a place to stay? You can even bring your guinea pig, Jimmy." He offers.

I let a sigh of relief. "If you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind, Jack. You're my best friend."

"Thanks Milton. I'll be there soon."

It kind of breaks my heart that I didn't want to call him.

When I get to his house, he brings my stuff to his room, and makes sure I'm okay. I think he was expecting me to cry, but I still, despite everything, I cant.


	4. Shot Down

Life with Milton, is interesting. He don't do much. My mom knows I'm here though. And she's not too happy about it, she thinks that a young boy should be with his mother. and so do I until abuse starts, then live wherever the hell you can. I'm so thankful for Milton's family taking me in!

My dad officially hates me. and I'm officially ready to take the next train to Detroit, where he lives and punching him right in the balls. I can't say that I don't care, cause I obviously do, but I can't take that bullshit, I have enough going on right now. But I do have an idea. I'm going to go to his house and see if he still says no then. But that might also ruin my temporary home with Milton, But it really is worth it. Because no matter how tough I talk, I really miss my dad.

I've decided to go, I told Milton and he loves the idea, and he said if I need a place to stay when I get home, that his door is always open for me.

When I get to the bus station, I get a two way ticket to Detroit. And by 5:30 pm, I'm on my way to Detroit. The bus ride is long. And all the thoughts of what might happen run through my head, and when I'm about half way there, mom calls. Ignore. I'll call her from Detroit.

As I get to the Detroit bus stop, My heart starts pounding. As I walk across the street to his apartment complex, my heart jumps into my throat. All the tension eases as I walk up the stairs and knock on his door. When he answers, his jaw literally drops. "Jack, for the love of God, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you, dad!" I say hopefully.

"Jack, I already told you. You can't stay with me. It's not worth the fight."

"I'm not worth the fight to you? I came on the first bus to see you!"

"And I recommend, you take the next bus out. You can't be here Jack."

I feel my chin start to quiver a little. "Wow dad, thanks. you're the worst father ever."

"Jackson, don't you speak to me like that. Just leave it's better if we don't see each other and loose all contact. I'll delete your number and you delete mine. Alright?"

"So your saying that if I have problem, not to call you? And my name is Jack."

"Jack, I agreed not to see you anymore."

"You didn't even call when my friends died, you just assumed that it messed me up and told mom I should go to therapy."

"Jack, we both have different lives now. I agreed not to see you anymore, and I'm sorry about your friends but you need to leave. "

I start crying for the first time and yell "I hate you" As I run down the stairs. I just run to the bus stop in tears, and run in the bathroom, and fall to the floor sobbing. I feel someone pat my back, I look up, it's Milton I wipe my face "H-how did you get here?" I ask

"I followed you, in case something like this happened. Jack, are you okay?"

"No, My own family hates me, my dad made it clear that he is done with me, my mom is out somewhere probably not even wondering where I am." I say with my voice cracking.

"Come on Jack, let's just go home. you can stay at my house for as long as you want. your family now, Jack. You're like a brother to me." he says

I give the best smile I could, then wipe my face, and within 15 minutes were back on the road to 'home' again. The bus ride is long and silent. But not the awkward silent. It was the nessicary silent.

I just realized something. When I cried today, it was about my dad, not my friends, it's like when I think of the explosion, I get really scared, then go numb. I think I should start praying. for real. Tomorrow, Milton thinks we should go to the dojo to see the damage. I agreed to go, but the thought makes me sick to my stomach. But I'll go for Milton


	5. Letters To Old Friends

Well, it's been about two weeks since my breakdown. Dad really meant that were done with each other. He hasn't even given me one text asking if I'm okay. I swear, when I get money, tomorrow from my mom, I'm going back to his house, and I'm going to give him an overdue punch in the face. Milton thinks that's a bitter sweet idea. Whatever that means. I mean, it would take up all my money, but it would be worth it, plus my mom gives me money every two weeks.

I wish Milton wasn't the only person I have to talk to. In this situation, Jerry would tell me to beat the hell out of him. And probably hide in a bag or something. I mean don't get me wrong, Milton is coming with me, legally. Obviously, which is nice and all, but I don't know if Milton is the type of guy you want to invite to watch you punch your father in the face.

Did I mention that Milton and I have a bed time? Cause we do. 8:30 on school nights and 10:00 on the weekend. Up at six sharp. Times like that, I miss my mom. I think, I'm going to stay with her tonight. Because, I want to stay up all night, and sleep all day, without having cold water dumped over my head. I start packing for mom's house; I throw a little bit of everything in there. And I'm on my way.

The walk from Milton's house to mine is about 15 minutes. I guess I should look at it as more "Jack Time." I don't like "Jack Time" anymore. The quiet makes me think, and it screams the truth. The truth hurts. As I finally see my house, I look down at Jimmy and say "Let's do this."

As I walk in my house, It smells like home, a smell I had almost forgotten. I yell out I walk into the kitchen, and my mom's jaw drops when she sees me. "Are you home?" She asks

"For tonight anyways." I say in an almost mumble.

"Your dad called me, and told me that you went to see him, Jack, why?"

"I miss my dad, and I thought he might have missed me too, but he's just a tight ass prick."

"Jack, look, I know you're hurting, but it's not acceptable, leaving the province, yelling at your dad, and telling him that you hate him. You need help Jack, wither your willing to except it or not."

"Mom, look, I'm tired, and can we discuss this tomorrow?"

"Fine, good night sweetie, I love you."

"I just nod my head. Over all I did promise Milton that we would check out the dojo tomorrow. He is writing Jerry, Eddie and Kim notes, I'm gonna too. I'll start with Jerry.

Jerry,

You were the best at many things, wither we admitted it or not, you were the best dancer, the funniest and the best "wooer" I knew. Okay given you weren't the smartest out of the group, but you were very street smart, I hope you know that you will probably be the hardest to forget, and that's a good thing!

I heard that sometimes, dead people appear in alive people's dreams, If you ever need me give me a shout, even in dreams, I'll have your back, I hope your still kickin' it in the sky!

Love always,

Your friend, Jack.

Next Kim.

Kim,

You were always fun to be around, you always knew how to make me laugh, and you were my only real competition in karate, and I'll miss that, I'll miss how generous and friendly you are. You always had a smile on your face no matter how tough things got.

Thank you for always being there for me and everybody else. And as for what I told Jerry, same goes to you! Hit me up in a dream sometime! I can't promise that I won't cry though. Well, yes I can, I'm kind of numb about the whole thing.

Love,

Jack.

Finally Eddie.

Eddie,

You are a friend that will never be replaced, you were so goofy and always telling jokes! I think that's what I miss most about you, your jokes. I have to ask, what's it like up there? You know, in heaven? If you can tell me, sit down with me in a dream. Are you still players wanna be up there? I bet your still the same Eddie you were before the explosion.

Another thing I gotta know is, did it hurt? Or did you die instantly? I don't wanna think about it, to be honest. I can't help but wonder if you knew what was going on. Another thing I don't wanna think about. I will miss playing video games with you during allnighters! Miss you man!

Jack.

People say that writing stuff down helps with pain, I hope so..

I just lie on my bed and slowly drift off.


	6. Not The Best Timing

Last night was a long dreamless sleep. I was kind of hoping my friends would come to me last night. I bet that's bullshit anyways. I sit up, and look at my clock 11:30 a.m. I decide to call Milton. "Hello?" He answers.

"Hey, it's me; do you still want to go to the dojo?"

"Yes, meet me there, like now." He says.

"Alright, bye" I say then hang up

I rush downstairs with my notes and run out the front door.

I get to the dojo at around twelve, Milton and I get there around the same time."You ready?" He asks

"As ready as I'll ever be." I say.

Milton steps in before me. I hesitate. Then step in. I still has that same burn smell. I look at where the bodies were. I saw the outlines. I place the notes down where Kim, Eddie, and Jerry were. Milton does the same. I feel scared, sad, and a little bit sick. I look over at Milton, he's paler than usual. There's no words to describe how I feel. I decide to go outside for a minute. Milton stays where he is.

I walk out to Kim's mom. "Hi ." I say.

"Hi Jack, and call me Lorraine." She says.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I come here sometimes; its weird, but I can feel Kimberly here. And I miss her is all." She says with a tear running down her face.

"I miss her too. I miss all of them." I say, fighting the first tears I felt coming since.

She falls into a sob. "Three young kids should never die!" she says wipeing tears.

"Ever!" I say as I feel tears build up in my eyes.

She notices I'm trying not to cry, and she says. "Jack, I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to watch this."

"Its fine" I say as I feel the lump in my throute increase. I say trying my hardest trying not to let my tears fall.

"Kimberly had so much potential. She was gonna do great things. Now she's just gone, and it's not fair!" She says sobbing.

I start crying. "They w-were all gonna do threat things." I say while hiding my face.

"Jack, don't cry!" She says. "I'm sorry Hun."

"No, it's okay. I just miss them so much!" I say sobbing "And I get so scared sometimes, because, every time I close my eyes I see their bodies lying there, numb, stiff and burnt. And I just wan-"

She cuts me off by pulling me into a motherly hug. "Shh, its okay, Jack."

I pull away and say "I'm sorry."

"For what? For crying? I cry all the time; nobody can be strong all the time. Just remember, it's okay to be happy when you're happy, and it's okay to be sad when you're sad."

I feel my face wrinkle. "Thanks Lorraine." I say while drying my eyes

"Stop in and see me sometime, Jack!"

"I will." I say as she walks away. I wave goodbye to her. And sit down on the bench and cry a little bit more.

When I'm done, I wipe my face and walk into the dojo, and Milton says "Ready to go home?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna stay at my house tonight. Most of my stuff is there."

"Alright, see you tomorrow."

"Bye." I say and head home.

When I get to my doorstep, I take a deep breath and walk in. my mom greats me with a smile and I just go up stairs. And sit on my bed. And think about how bad I feel, for breaking down in front of Kims mom, she has enough going on, she don't need a blubbering teenager by her side. Why did that have to be the time I choose to cry?


	7. Dream on

I haven't been camping in years! It's a dream come true to be back out in the woods. Wondering around without a care in the world, my only worry at the moment is finding a tree I could pee on. Just as I see the perfect tree, I see a girl running, she looks like Kim. Impossible. But I run after her anyways. And just as I catch up to her, she sits down. I sit beside her. "Kim?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's me."

"But I thought you died in an enormous explosion!"

"Jack, I did. I just wanted to talk to you." She says in the most serious tone Kim has ever used.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask.

"I wanted to say thank you for talking to my mom today, you helped her allot."

"How? By crying like a big fucking baby?" I almost yell.

"No Jack, you weren't crying like a baby. You were crying like a normal person would."

"Whatever." I say.

She disappears. "Kim?!" I yell, "Where did you go?" I sit back down thinking I went crazy, just ad Jerry appears. My jaw drops. "Hey, man." He says

"Hey." I say staring at the ground. Then I look up, I pinch myself and mumble "Ouch"

"Guess who?" He says.

I just smile.

"Look I don't have much time. Do I just want to tell you, that you're taking everything good. And heaven is for real, yo!"

"What do you mean heaven is for real?" I ask curiously.

" I can't tell you. It may change my being there."

"What do you-"I get cut off as he disappears.

That went better then my conversation with Kim. I think to myself. As Eddie appears.

"Hey." I say as it was on the street I was seeing him.

"What's up man?" He says.

"Did it hurt?" I say ignoring him.

"Allot." He says with a smirk. "Some people say that you don't feel a thing, that's bullshit, that was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life."

"How long did it hurt for?" I ask.

"Until I saw the light. Then all the pain vanished."

"Let me guess-" He cuts me off.

"I gotta go now." He says

"Figured." I say as he disappears.

I wake up breathing heavy. Did that really just happen? I hope so. I look down at my blanket, as a couple tears fall out. My light cry turns into a hard, loud cry. That woke up my mom. She runs upstairs into my room. "Jack honey, what's wrong?" She asks.

"It's all my fault, I could have stopped it." I say sobbing

She sits on my bed holding me as I cry. After about five minutes, she falls asleep. I feel so bad. Put my blanket over her as I go downstairs. Sit on the couch and try to go back to sleep. I decide I can't. so I walk into the bathroom. I look in the mirror, and see my face, red with tear stains. I see my hazel eyes, but barely, because there so red and puffy. I just walk out of the bathroom, and back into the living room. To see my mom sitting on the couch. I look at her, look down and walk upstairs.

When I get up to my room, I lay on my bed, with nothing running through my head, yet there's never been more on my mind.


	8. Welcoming Ruty

Things with my mom have been much better since she saw me lose it. We decided on therapy. Do I want to go? No. Do I want my mom to shut up about it? Yes. Is that fair to me? I don't know, probably not.

Therapy started about three weeks ago, so that's three sessions. I've told that bitch off about ten times already. She still won't leave me alone. I still think I'm better at suffering in silence. All the therapist does to me is keep me up all night with fear and guilt. Ever since I've started talking to her, I find I've been disconnected to my friends.

Milton has changed so much! He was caught smoking weed outside of school three days ago. He smelled like skunk for the fifteen minutes that he wasn't suspended afterword's his exact words : "Shit happens." I also heard that he started sleeping around. That may be just a rumor though, so I'm not looking too far into it.

They completely redid the dojo and somehow convinced Ruty to come back. I still haven't decided if I'm going back yet. I don't want to see all the new students enjoying what used to bring me happiness. I'm pretty sure I'm done with karate. It's too painful, mentally. I get physically hurt all the time. I fall down the stairs at least once or twice a week.

I walk down stairs and tell my mom I'm going out. She just nods.

I walk past the mall, I decide to look at the 'new' dojo. I walk around until I see it. When I look in the window, I see Ruty. He runs out as he sees me. "Jack!" He says.

"Ruty!"

"How have you been doing?'

"Alright. I guess. What about you?"

"Pretty good." He pauses. "I didn't see your name on the list for karate lessons." He says with a weird look on his face.

"Yeah, I think it would be weird to go back in there." I say bluntly.

"Is it true that they made you identify the bodys?" He blurts out. I could tell that he wished he didn't say that.

"Y-yeah." I say picturing the black, crispy bodies.

"And your mom was okay with that?" He days with a look of disgust on his face.

"She doesn't care." I say holding in tears.

He mumbles something that I can't make out. "Anyways, why don't you come in right now, and if it's too weird, you can leave and never come back." He smiles.

I shrug and walk in with him. As I look around I heel my neck getting tighter. "You okay, Jack?" He asks,

I don't know what to say. But I feel sick.

"JACK!" He yells.

I look at the ground.

"Jack, let's get you out of here." He says sounding worried.

"I-I-I-" I feel myself fall down.

I wake up on the mats with Ruty looking over me. I immediately stand up. "I'm sorry." I say running out.

I feel numb but I feel my face getting wet. I quickly wipe my face, but more tears replace the old ones. I start feeling scared, helpless- pathetic. I feel as if I'm a cave waiting to just crumble. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around, Its Kim!

"Jack you can't live like this."

"You think I want to be sad all the time? You think I want to feel like shit every day?" I say.

"Jack, your not letting yourself be happy."

"How can I? My friends are gone. Including Milton, he's just a slacker and a pothead now. My dad couldn't care less about me; in fact, he refuses to speak to me. My mom isn't far from it. I have a therapist that makes me feel like it's my entire fault. You tell me how I can make happy out of that!" I yell. I close my eyes for a second. And I see Ruty not Kim.

"Come on, Jack. I'll drive you home." He says.

What do you guys think so far? Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I've been occupied with school work. Do you think I should re-write this story in Miltons Pov when I complete Jacks Pov?


	9. Phone call from

I've been in therapy for about a month now. I told that woman off so many times, and she still won't leave me alone. How hard is it for a professional to realize I don't need help and I don't want to talk, draw a picture or tell my feelings through dolls. Okay, to be fair, she hasn't asked me to play with dolls, but it wouldn't sock me if she did.

My mom thinks she's the best thing for me. I would fight it. She says that's because 'teenagers always contradict everything parents say.' I disagree with that. I'm just stubborn. I've always been stubborn.

Milton has gotten worse, yesterday he came to school drunk. I've officially stopped talking to him. I feel for him, and he needs help, but I don't want to go down that path with him. I might make an appointment with the guidance councilor for him.

Were having memorials at our school tomorrow for former students that have died, any cause. Army, accident, suicide, an exploding dojo exc. I don't want to go, but I have to. Not because my mom said I have to, I just feel compelled to go. Don't ask why, because I haven't come up with that reason yet.

My mom still don't know about me fainting the other day, if she found that out, I would probably end up talking to everybody she thinks could help me. I've tried to talk to my dad but he keeps on ignoring my calls, last time I left him a message saying "Thanks for all the help, asshole." Then I hung up. I'm getting closer and closer to meaning the words 'I hate you.' To him.

I decide, what the hell, I'll call him again. It rings three times and what I get is "Jack. What do you want?"

"To talk to you, there's so much that I can't tell mom."

"Well, son, that's not my problem. I mean really not my problem."

"Don't you care at least a little bit?" I ask him praying for a yes.

"Jackson, I need to tell you something, and I'm gonna be completely honest with you."

"Okay" I say sounding worried. "and my name is Jack.

"Quite frankly, I never wanted a child, but your mom did. I tried my best to prevent you, but somehow you're here. Some would say that you were a mistake." He says.

I feel my heart drop. "Then why the hell did you stick around for thirteen years?" I say hiding my pain.

"Because, I couldn't leave your mom alone after just having a baby."

"So you leave her alone with a teenager that got attached to you? Real classy." I say as I feel my blood pressure increase.

"Y-you were attached to me?" He asks.

"Well, obviously, dad. I love you. Even if you are an asshole that don't care for anybody but himself." I say bluntly.

"I don't know what to say to that."

"How about, something like 'I love you son.' I've wanted to hear you say that since I was about five."

"I don't want to lie to you, son. I've never felt the father instinct around you. Don't take that personally."

"Whatever. You're a real dick, you know that?" I ask.

"Jack, you'll understand someday." He says dodging my question.

"That's not what I asked you. I want to hear you admit that you're a shit dad and don't disserve a kid even if someday you decide one of them are good enough for you."

"I will not admit that, as long as you get my money every month, I won't admit that."

"You take that money and shove it." I say as I hang up.

I don't know if I'm mad or sad. All I know is my dad's getting a visit from his not so beloved son, Jack.


End file.
